19-year-old daughter refuses to help her struggling mother with rent and bills despite working full-time and spending her paycheck on steak, shopping, and subscriptions

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  • Close-up of a woman resting her hand on her forehead with eyes closed, appearing tired or stressed.
  • AITAH for asking my adult daughter to help with bills?

    I have a 19 year old daughter. She's working full time, and making roughly 2500.00 a month.
  • I am medically dis ed and work what I can, my income is about 2500.00 a month as well.
  • Every penny I make goes towards household bills. Mortgage, electric, phone, taxes, insurance- all adds up to about 2K a month.
  • The rest goes to things like food, and a small amount of savings each month towards emergencies.
  • I sat my daughter down and told her that now that she's an adult, she needs to start planning for her future.
  • I explained I can't keep paying all the bills myself, and watching her buy fancy clothes, jewelry etc.
  • Woman sitting with her hand covering her face, appearing stressed or overwhelmed.
  • She buys herself steak and brings it home and cooks it in the middle of the night and I wake up to a mess in the kitchen.
  • I am expected to do dishes, clean, etc. The only bill she has is a small loan she pays 97.00 a month for, and her auto insurance that is 55.00 a month.
  • I asked her to set 350.00 a month aside to help pay the electric and heating costs.
  • I said if she prefers she can put that money directly on the bill so she doesn't think I'm "stealing" from her.
  • I explained that my body is wearing out, and that I don't know how much longer I have before I have to stop working completely.
  • She got angry and said "she works hard and deserves to spend her check how she wants".
  • She has not saved a penny. I assumed that she was saving to get her own place.
  • I accidentally opened her bank statement because we have similar names and I was just whipping through the mail.
  • She has been taking herself out to fancy dinners, buying clothes, a perfume subscription, etc. I havent eaten steak in years.
  • I can't afford it. I use ground turkey because its "beefy" a lot cheaper, and it really chaps my a that I'm expected to do everything and pay everything.
  • So, AITAH?
  • PurpleEmotional1401 Soft YTA, for raising such an entitled, selfish brat.
  • my-dog-made-me-join Original Poster's Reply This just started when she got her job. She's been there a year now. Before that she would pitch in around the house, helped out, etc. It came kind of out of nowhere. We have always been a close family and helped one another. I don't know what caused the change. She is bipolar, and I do think that maturing has caused some of her changes. I suggested she start saving money to get her own place so she had more freedom a few months ago and she said she "c
  • Objective-Pound2185 NTA for wanting her to contribute but you have to realize that you can't actually make her do so. You can give her notice on when she has to be out of the home if she won't agree to help with bills.
  • youknowimright25 Nta. Yes work is hard. But if she doesn't want to pay 350. Move out. Go pay 2k a month. With some random roommate. See how hard it is then.
  • Ok_Cash_6973 This for real? Obviously NTA. She works hard and should get to spend her check however she wants? That's not what adulthood is. Adults have responsibilities and life isn't free. It's about time she learns that. The rule in my parents' house growing up was you're either in school or you're working and paying rent. I plan to have the same rule as my kids get older. Nobody gets a free ride through life.
  • Salamandajoe Tell her to find her own place. Your costs will go down less utilities, less food, etc. then you can downsize perhaps to a smaller one bedroom and save more. Check out dis ed and elderly apartments that are income based and save even more. No longer are you the cook, laundress and cleaning maid. She will see the real life consequences and grow up some.
  • shammy_dammy Show her the door out. She's an adult. She has a job.
  • who-waht NTA She's an adult earning adult money. Time to recognize that living in a home, using power, etc. costs money and isn't free.
  • Lais-a Ask her also for rent. So $350 for energy bill, and $350 for rent. Entitled little Brat

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